Looking for a whimsical way to tell people you don't give a flying fuck? (well, except for this one, that is) How about setting your last fuck on fire and watching it float up into the air with this fun DIY wish paper?
I’ve wanted to try flying wish paper for a while now. If you don’t know what flying wishing paper is, they’re pieces of paper with beautifully printed designs that you write a wish on, roll up into a cylinder, light on fire, and then watch them float up into the air as they burn.
Why buy when you can DIY? [insert bad infomercial automated audience hand clapping and cheering]
WHAT YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS SHIT:
- Tea bags (sans nutsacks)
- Washable markers
- Flathead screwdriver or staple remover
- OPTIONAL food color
- OPTIONAL small bowl of water
- OPTIONAL paint brush
Making flying wish paper yourself is fun because you can censor yourself and get the kids
involved from start to finish by having a little decorating party
before actually lighting them. That’s where the markers, and food
colors come in.
HOW TO MAKE THIS SHIT:
1.Grab your fancy bitch tea bag and, using your flathead screwdriver or staple remover or object you can stick underneath – just don’t use your fuggen teeth or fingernail because OUCH! – gently pry the staple towards the top of the tea bag loose and remove it and the attached string. NOTE: I’ve tried this with a coffee filter cut into a square and then loosely rolled into a tube and it does not work. The material is heavier than a tea bag.
2. Unfold the tea bag labes, empty out the tea leaves, and watch a British person cry. You can throw the leaves away, save them for later to drink or perform weird rituals, I think there’s even a way to do fortune telling with tea leaves? I really don’t care what you do, just get them all out of the bag, mmkay?
3. If you want to leave your wish paper barren of color and pizzazz,
you can skip to #5. If you want to be too legit to quit (hey, heyyyy!)
you can decorate your wish paper by drawing on it with washable markers
or coloring it with food coloring like I did. I did this by putting my
tea bag on some paper towels and putting just a dab of food color
directly onto the bag, then dipping a brush into a bowl of water and
smearing the drop of food color around as if I were watercoloring. If
you get too much food color on your paper, you can use some paper towel
and press down on the bag to lift some of it off. Or if you're a guy or gal after my own heart, draw a big middle finger, a big FUCK or FUCK YOU, or, my personal fav - a bunch of dicks.
Here’s how mine turned out!
and here's another version:
4. Let your wish paper dry completely.
5. If you're using these for their intended purpose and aren't an absolute heathen, write your wish (or wishes if you’re stingy) on the paper.
6. It’s time to light some shit on fire! NOTE: PLEASE PRACTICE
COMMON SENSE AND FIRE SAFETY. DO NOT BE A GOBSHITE AND BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE.THEN WHERE WILL YOU WATCH NETFLIX WHILE SCROLLING YOUR PHONE AND FARTING INTO YOUR LEGGINGS WHILE SPREAD-EAGLE ON THE COUCH LIKE THE CLASSLESS BOG WITCH YOU ARE.
Set your tube of flying wish paper vertically on a plate. You can do this inside, just make sure you have at least 7 feet of clearance above the paper. I did this on a plate on my kitchen counter where there was NOT 7 feet of clearance and was freaking the fuck out for about 5 seconds as burning ash floated around my ceiling. To be safer, I’d burn these outside.
7. Light any spot of the top of the upright cylinder.
8. Watch the paper burn for about a minute. And burn. And burn some more. Omg, this was all a giant waste of time, nothing is happening. That woman LIED TO ME ON HER STUPID FUCKING BLOG, wait – THERE IT GOES!
Don’t forget Step 9. Take a moment to look around at all the adorable
little faces (or faces of complete shock and dismay if you went the dick route) after this DIY is complete and burn their smiles into your
mom brain.
